Dark Waters 🌑🌑

Sometimes I struggle to write,

Other times writing is my only cure,

The only medication to the bleeding inside of me.

I always need fixing, my spirit is always seeking for sunshine.

Sometimes I'm lucky enough that when I'm in  need of sunshine it's day time, other times it's night and no matter how much my heart, my body, needs the sun, there's nothing I can do to help it, I have to wait till daylight.This night is like that. And this is not about sunshine literally.

You ask me what my problem is, and I'm well....clueless, I'm not just okay.

Does that make sense?

That my heart is breaking,

My soul is aching,

I just want to be happy. I just really want to.

Why is happiness so far away sometimes?

I don't have any problem, anything to cause me unhappiness, but something is missing, my spirit is not content...What do I???

If I could rip myself open to let air in, I would

If I could set me free I would.

Nights like this I think of how free and sweet death is,

What being free, feeling air would be like,

I want to rip myself open and be free

But then it sounds like something a disturbed person would say

I'm not depressed, No, I'm suppressed.

Something is holding me down,

Something is not letting the air in

Something is keeping me in a box and boy!!! I want to break free.

It's like I'm breathing, but it's not air,

I feel the air on my skin, on my face but the coolness of it, the freshness of it is not inside me

If I knew what to fix me with, I would.....