Johnathan Ali

We (my sister and I) met Johnathan Ali during jamb classes at Uyo high school. If I were to describe Johnathan I would say Johnathan was weird. Why weird? because Johnathan use to put lipgloss on his brows and on his lips. I don't mean a little amount, I mean a conspicuous amount. Weird because Johnathan didn't talk much, he liked to sit and draw...his drawings were beautiful.

I don't think Johnathan spoke to us, we spoke to him. We learnt his name and the school he went to, we then knew his brother and slowly we began to know little things about Johnathan.

His dad was a police officer,

He lived in the police barracks. 

We didn't know much about him but we knew enough to make us call Jonathan our friend.

Johnathan was beautiful. Dark, chocolate beautiful. He had beautiful eyebrows. We use to laugh about it behind his back - Johnathan might have been gay, what boy uses lipgloss??

I use to imagine dating Jonathan. He would be my boyfriend, I would fill him with love and fill him with words, he would become bubbly and begin to talk alot because of me. I don't know if I had any spell on Johnathan, but I wished so much that he liked me and I would be the girl of his dreams.

Jamb classes ended. We went once or twice or thrice to visit Johnathan at his place. I can't remember much but I know those meetings were short cos like I said Johnathan didn't talk much, but he did smile a lot and his smile was beautiful. We started "Adulting" at this point, so Johnathan went from Friends to being someone we (use to) know.

We gained admission into the same campus. "We", I and Johnathan's brother. Everytime I came across him in school, I would ask "How's Johnathan?" Which he would reply "He's fine", "Send my regards to him" which he would say "Okay" to everytime for almost 4 years.

I avoided asking him if Johnathan was in school, I knew Johnathan struggled academically. If Johnathan was in school,I would know eventually, no need to inconvenience his brother.

 One day I decide to clear my list on Facebook, why have 4 thousand and something friends I don't even chat with? Tediously and tediously and tediously,I'm deleting accounts until I come across an account I recognize, 'Hey, Johnathans account!!'

I go through his timeline, the account is old, a post catches my attention "Happy birthday my son, keep resting in peace"

Wait what??? Johnathan is dead??

I call my sister, show her the post, she's like 'wait what? Is Johnathan dead?'

We begin texting mutual friends, asking, do you know about Johnathan? Have you heard anything from him?

Nobody had heard from Johnathan in a while. I begin looking up his siblings on Facebook, nothing about Johnathan dead, just happy pictures everywhere but still, we can't shake this cold chill, JOHNATHAN COULD VERY MUCH BE DEAD.

The next day my sister reaches out to his brother, pleasantries upon pleasantries, she decides to delve straight into the matter. "I saw a post on FB, is it true? Where is Johnathan?" He says; "Johnathan has been dead for few years now"  

What??

Who's been collecting my greetings all this while?

"It's like it's a hush thing, Why?"

"Because of the way he died"

"How did he die??"

"He killed himself ".

Turns out JOHNATHAN had tried to kill himself not once, not twice, not thrice, until he finally succeeded. Johnathan was goal driven.

Why?

Why?

Why?

I keep asking why, like you owe me a reason,

I'm here telling your story like it's my place to tell it,

I'm trying to make beautiful out of something that is not.

The day after I heard the news, I imagined you in the ground, I pictured, still picture your face, calm, beautiful. I'm kneeling beside your coffin holding your hand, I'm asking are you happy now? are you happy? have you found relief, are you relieved? does it still hurt now? does it still hunt?  

I don't care that you did it, it's not even my place to.

I'm lighting a candle for you Johnny, keep resting in peace 🕊️

2 Sam.1.26 I am distressed for thee, my brother Jonathan: very pleasant hast thou been unto me.(KJV)