(Not) meant to be

You'll be sad. 

5 months after and he still hasn't called. You'll begin replaying everything that happened, rewinding the tape slowly, pausing certain scenes to see, to reflect, judge, ponder and ask yourself for the trillionth time "What did I do wrong?"

The scenes you visit, well, some will leave you sad, the kind of sadness that translates that something beautiful is gone, some will leave you mad, fill you with fury that you even endured something as fucked up as that and some, some will make you sad again, leave you with resignation that this, you both, was never meant to be.

But despite all this, your heart will still be aching, longing for what was and you'll type his number, from memory, even though you did not use to know it before now, even though you had deleted it that time you guys fought, that time you ended things, but you had asked Asake to send his number that one time your heart was bleeding too much, that one time you described as the time the devil caused you to do too much, Asake had sent you his number and though you did not call and had deleted it when...cause you heart stopped bleeding, you had stared at it so much that now you know the number and you're dailing it from memory.

As you get to the eleventh digit your heart will begin thomping, you'll begin thinking of what you'll say to him, when it starts to connect, then ring, your heart will fly over the roof, you'll say a short prayer,

"Lord if this is not meant to be save me somehow"

It will ring and after a few rings it will end, "Line Busy" it will say on the screen

You'll dail again, same thing, then you'll realize, he wasn't bluffing when he said he does not want you anymore or maybe God's saving you, like you asked him to, cause this thing, was not meant to be.